There’s a saying “All change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end”.
Well, in my life it’s never ending story of constant change with messy thoughts and actions, that tend to come and go in a circle pattern. Have I reached the gorgeous end? I had. First time in my life I had the peace of how my life was, but that was just a short glimpse and I had to turn my life around again.
It literally feels like changing heartbeats. Right at the moment I know everything will change, my heart skips a beat and then it’s never the same.
Adjustment. I do attach myself so much to people and places, that now it feels like my heart has been shattered around the world. A big piece of it lives in California, with my friends and loved ones, with beautiful sunrises and golden sunsets, with that hiking trail to Lexington Reservoir, with the busy San Francisco streets and breathtaking Big Sur. A piece of it still lives in my memories of Germany and the mesmerizing scenery around Bodensee. I still remember how the apple fields changed the air during October and November. That fresh morning air and Alps around the lake. Right now I’m adjusting to a different time zone and different heartbeat. I have come home, and once again have to start everything from a scratch. New job, new accomodation – “point zero”, “restart button” or just a blank page with old memories and new plans.
Whenever I think about starting fresh, I remember the story that I was told about samurais and cherry blossoms. And here’s why: “Samurai have chosen for their truest symbol the fragile cherry blossom. Like a petal dropping in the morning sunlight and floating serenely to earth, so must the fearless detach himself from life, silent and inwardly unmoved. “Strong within, but gentle without.” This is symbolic of the union of body strength and resistant suppleness and flexibility of the pure spirit developed by the Judo exponent of black belt grade. It is a sign of personal attainment.”
– Judo Training Methods by Takahiko Ishikawa and Donn F. Draeger
Btw, it’s still wood goat year in Chinese astrology and the new Fire Monkey year will start only on February the 8th. So maybe it’s a good timing for “New Year, new start kind of thing?”
Well, I guess I will see where it takes me and just make the best of it.